the result of too much thinking

i am getting very sick of having people in my life for such a short period of time, i'm sick of having everything blow up in my face. i mean it's great to have him as a friend...but it still kind of sucks at the same time. i'm starting to realize that the perfect moment doesn't really exist, and that there isn't some perfect person out there created just for me. i think that the perfect moment is whatever makes you happiest up to that point in your life and you make it that way. it's something you do. it isn't fate. the perfect person doesn't exist, i don't believe i have a soulmate. i do however, believe that i will eventually find someone that is great for me someday that will put up with my ridiculous bipolar behavior and axniety issues and love me just the way i am. i can't keep changing myself just for that fleeting happiness and it isn't fair. if you dislike all the things that make me who i am then how can you say you like me? that's just stupid. i need to stop worrying about how everyone else thinks of me and just be who i want to be. it's about damn time. i'm getting my ged, i register tuesday if i can get my mom's taxes from her. then i'll decide if i want to go to nesop in boston or moore in philly. out with the old, in with the new. hello 2009.